Who Am I?

A commonly asked question on the first day of school, on recollections and on church activities. Who Am I? But what is this question all about? Is there a standard basis for answering this deep and mysterious question? Is there a right or wrong answer? What is it that makes this question seem evitable to others? Is it fear that people evade this question? Or they simply don’t know the answer to this?
Who Am I? It’s not blatantly answering your name, your name day, or your family background, etc. It’s not a Biodata. It’s not just merely about what you’ve done or what you’ve accomplished. Who you are is your heart. Who you are is the every single person you meet who at a slightest point made an impact in your life. That is, well, if you believe, in my opinion.

No matter how fancy my introduction is I’m not going to go in-depth analysis in whatever I have written with spontaneity. Initially, when I heard that in order to get a recommendation letter, I have to write an essay entitled, “Who Am I?”, that phrase kept echoing in my head. I thought, What would I write about? All I could think of was a familiar song, and so instead of thinking about essay, I end up singing that song.

Now begins the essay proper. Since I saw that the essay should focus on me as a student, then I’ll tell my journey through the years. However, I’ll start with a little background of me and my family, and please bear with me if I include, at some point, my faith because well, it’s part of who I am. Here is the rundown of my family background, my likes and some of the things that are in my heart.  I am the youngest of six girls. I was born on the month of September. My family is not fortunate enough to live in luxury. However, it did not hinder my moral growth. I learned that I have to work ten times harder than those who are from a well-off families. The downside to this is I felt so inferior of myself. I don’t have much self-confidence. I admit I’m shy but I’m growing out of it. I have a little friends. Well, come to think of it, while growing up, my only friends were my sisters. But that did not stop me from making friends. Of course, normally, it’s not me who approaches people to make friends. But I can assure you, that once I make friends (and truly, they are real friends) they will always be remembered. I created my world. Strange, huh? It’s the truth. I’m a bit of an introvert. However, due to this imagination I developed in my childhood, I found another alternative to express this imagination through writing. I love writing. At first it was just a hobby but now it is more of a passion. I found a sole purpose of my writing. That is, to inspire people through faith, through whatever God has taught man. I like singing and listening to music. I don’t personally like rock but All Time Low is an exception.  I may use the word weird at some point in time, but I believe that no one is weird. People call other people weird because they are not like them.

My earliest memory of my very first “school journey” was on Day Care. In those days, I didn’t even have a single friend. I remember glancing at the window to make sure my mother was just around. I don’t remember what exactly happened but I stopped Day Care by January. Kindergarten wasn’t exactly different. I was only in school for two months. At that time, I still don’t know how to read or write. Similarly, in those two months I had tantrums. I cried, kicked the chairs and desks of my classmates whenever I can’t see my mother once I glanced at the window. I remember how the two teachers would have to calm me down. Every time I look back to those “tantrum” days, I wonder how the other kids reacted over my behavior. I feel bad for those kids, unable to concentrate because of me. Finally, I told my mother I won’t continue with Kindergarten. My mother bought books and she personally taught me to read and write. I remember my mother giving me items to answer while she would wash the clothes. While she wasn’t finish, I would turn on the television and watch the classic Disney Channel shows for kids. In my opinion, I believe that my mother is my first real teacher.

So there I was, sitting and watching the television at home for almost two years when miraculously I told my mother I was willing to enroll in the First Grade. I did quite well in school. I became a president for the student government at school and went to different places to compete in quiz bees. I was a leader, I could say that. I didn’t like group works before because I want things as I want it to be.  Actually, I did better than I expected. I never expected I’d receive awards and recognition in when school when I did not even go to Pre-school. It goes to shows Pre-School wasn’t really important for me.

On the very first day of high school, I was really scared. I don’t know what to expect besides that it will be very competitive in school. Much more competitive than in grade school. My motivation was simply a song called, No Boundaries. That song didn’t help much. In my freshman year, I was so upset of myself. Normally, I have things in my control. I’m always in control of my studies. Somehow I thought that I became a perfectionist while I was still in grade school and that I brought it with me in high school. It seems that everything I was in grade school was crushed into pieces. I feared everything about high school that it came down to the most upsetting event in my life. That was the moment that I prayed so much. I came to realization (with the help of God, of course) that I should let go of that control-freak side of me and not fear life and its challenges. I also realized that my complete weakness was my pride which I am changing step by step. All those things I’ve conquered through God. Since that day, I haven’t been scared. Although, there will be times that I would break down because after all, I am human and  there are some things that I would cry about. Now I think of it, that song I used as a motivation in my freshman year, is actually quite helpful now that I am at the point of entering the real world.

I’ve come a long way but the road is still longer. This is not the end of discovering who I am. There is still more of me that I would discover in the future. And maybe at some point in the future I will be able to edit this and add up the things I’ve discovered about who I am.

Because this truly reminds me of a song, I added this video.

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