I was still sleepy. My eyes were closed but I could hear my mother asking me, “Do you have a rosary?”. Even though I was struggling to open my mouth and speak, I said, “No”. I hear her moving around my room. Then she tells me I should carry a rosary all the time. Still sleepy, I thought to myself, “I don’t want to.” She asks me another question, “Have you been reading the Bible?” I reply lazily, “Yes”. Then, I went back to sleep.
I woke up hours later only to find a rosary and a little pamphlet that says, “How To Say The Rosary” on my table. I raised an eyebrow. I don’t “do” the rosary anymore. I thought. This afternoon, my mother told me again to bring the rosary with me wherever I go. Inside me, I wasn’t exactly pleased with that ever since I acknowledged myself of not being a Roman Catholic.
I decided months back that when I am of legal age, I would convert to Protestantism. It’s still Christian, anyway. In my sixteen years of being a Catholic, I have never felt the enlightenment in the confinement of our church. It’s just nothing, Every time I go to church it’s just nothing. Nothing happens so much but the regular routine. I’ve heard from my Protestant classmates and friends that in their church they sing (in a different way I can’t explain) and really interact with their fellow Protestants. There’s nothing like that in our church. Well, that’s not really the reason why my tag line these days is, “I’m a Catholic but a Protestant at heart.” I have developed philosophies and I guess realized things that doesn’t seem to be correct with the beliefs of the Catholics. Neither do I get the idea of venerating saints, nor the concept of purgatory. Venerating saints seem to be contradicting the command of God that says, “Thou shall not worship other gods but me.” And the concept of purgatory is confusing me. They say the people who die and are undecided to leave earth go to purgatory. However, right after man dies God immediately judges him, right? So how on earth is that purgatory concept applicable. Plus, there is this sign of the cross. Before, I always wondered why Protestants don’t do it. A few months ago, I finally understood why. The cross is the symbol of the death of Jesus, God’s only begotten son. This was a big humiliation for God because He is the Almighty One who became human to die for us. He had to step down to our level when He is so much better than that because He loves us. It is like saying if your mother died because she was killed with a knife, so would you start wearing a knife around your neck because your mother died of it? No. Of course not. That is disrespectful. That’s how I see the sign of the cross now. Well, at least that’s what I think.
When my mother told me this afternoon to bring the rosary with me wherever I go. She could tell I was sort of hesitant. Reluctantly, I said, “Okay”. She sort of laughed and said, “Maybe your beliefs have changed.” And she was right. And although, she seemed to be joking there was an underlying tone. How could I tell them I no longer want to be a Catholic and that I want to switch religion? Four of my sisters went to an RVM (I guess it means Religious Virgin Mary. Not sure.) school and I do think and believe they are very much Catholic. I also think they might get angry at me if I told them of my situation. How will I tell them?
This is all just my opinion. Nobody ever influenced or persuaded me of converting to Protestantism. It’s all came from my reflections.