My Thoughts Exactly. . . . . Again

This post is titled so because I already had a post with a title, “My Thoughts Exactly”. This post is very special because it will be filled with honest emotions and thoughts. (As if my other posts aren’t.) Well anyway these are somehow like letters. This is dedicated to several of my classmates. HELLO THERE! And no, I won’t mention directly their names. Instead, I will use a phrase (or phrases) that describes them. I know some of them (YOU) will see this. So let’s do it.

First, to the girl who I have been classmates for eight years and schoolmates for ten years. Hello there.

My very first memory of you was in Grade Two when you had a quarrel with then, our First Honor. That was then I knew about you. We weren’t friends until Grade Three when we became seatmates. It was crazy, though. If we hadn’t become seatmates, I guess we wouldn’t have been friends. Two years after, we didn’t really had much bond except for that in Grade Three. We just passed by each other. Not sharing anything. Until in Grade Six.

Oh my. Grade Six was the best year of my Elementary. Apparently, I never expected we will be closer. You, me, Kenon, Fellion (not sure if this is how it is supposed to be spelled), and Hunter formed the Apocalypse – our “clique”. We became good friends, close friends actually. We enjoyed our trips almost around our town with our other classmates every after school.

You were my only friend when we entered the walls of high school. I often went to seek your advice since you seem to have a lot of wisdom due to your faith. We became a lot closer and can even be considered best of friends. We shared our thoughts about high school, family, and life. I call you my spiritual adviser. If you hadn’t been my friend, I guess I wouldn’t have grown spiritually.

Honestly, when I think of it now. It seems like God had meant it for both of us be seatmates in Grade Three. Well, of course He did. Right? I’ve said this before to you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because you’ve always been my friend but I refused to acknowledge it. I’m sorry because I have taken you for granted. I’m sorry if I had been teasing you. I’m sorry if sometimes I am being cold. I may not have told you this but I actually look up to you because of your wisdom and your kindness. Sometimes I envy you because of that.

This next one is for my atheistic, cat-loving friend. Hi!

I saw you for the first time during the enrollment. You probably don’t remember but I do. My first impression of you was that you’re a mean girl. You’re not totally that kind of a person. The next time I saw you was on the freshman orientation. You caught my attention because you were the only one who was wearing the school uniform. I ignored you for the rest of the day and the days that followed since you were in a different section. My next encounter of you was when one day I was looking inside Diamond’s Classroom to look for my friend (first girl) when you suddenly approached me.  Your hands were on my shoulder and you probably stood in your toes and you whispered to my ear. You sang “If You Seek Amy” by Britney Spears to my ear. I felt very scared when you did that. I thought you were a psychopath. Honestly, I was scared of you because you did came off as a mean girl. I was shocked when you told me two years later that you were scared of me because I seemed to glare at just about everyone.

I was glad when we became friends though it was a strange topic that made us friends. We became friends because you were talking about different dimensions which I am actually equally interested with. I found that we share some interests like cats. You told me your story from when you were in elementary about that crush issue on you-know-who. You also told me about your family. Trust me, I will keep those stories in mind and heart, never to tell anyone. I know I’ve mentioned this before to you. But, yes, I pray for you. I pray that one day you’ll finally believe in God.

Thank you for being a friend though you are cold and mean to me sometimes just as I am mean and cold to you at some point in time.

Hi, Happy Three Friend boy!

I honestly didn’t like you when we were freshmen because you looked like a bad person. You looked like a bully. I resented you specially that time when you broke my folder. (Although, I think you don’t remember but I do. The memory’s still fresh in my head). We weren’t exactly friends then. But I forgave easily.

In our second year, we officially became friends because of the Jasmine family tree. I do really treat you like a brother. We shared a lot of mischief especially when it came to OB. Haha! Property #oo1! I actually admire your ability in computer science and in math. I liked the company of our “family”. It was always fun. Now this is why I was disappointed and I guessed sad when I heard about you just this summer. I won’t mention what it was. But I was very affected with it because just in our junior year, we became close that we even formed the Happy Three Friends. I heard people talking about you. Whatever they said were actually bad. It affected the way I viewed you. That’s why I confided with my spiritual adviser and to our other Happy Three Friend about it.

They’re right. Whatever happened to you happened after we became friends. It shouldn’t change our friendship. I shouldn’t look badly of you. It shouldn’t change the way I see you. I heard from spiritual adviser friend that you have actually become nicer to her. Personally, you have also been nicer to me. I didn’t see any change. Truthfully, I somehow resented everyone who condemned you for what happened to you. You only need the understanding. Because they might have been somehow a struggle within you. I just wished you would have opened up to me and cat-loving friend. But it’s not too late yet. But I guess we should leave all that problem behind. Let’s move on. But truly, if you need someone to talk to we will be here. Better yet, confide with spiritual adviser friend.

To my giant guy friend who loves Kyuhyun of Super Junior so much,

I voted for you as our very first Class President because you illuminated so much confidence in yourself. And I admire you for that. Then during the week of the Sportsfest in our freshmen year, I was just talking with my Emerald classmates when you suddenly approached us. You must have heard one of my classmates calling me by name because then you said, “Ah, ikaw pala si Adrienne.” You said that because you were calling bunch of people for some reason while we were practicing for our cheerdance. I nodded.

Actually, I felt a bit flattered. LOL. I actually thought that high school would just be something I would pass by and no one will know or even remember me except for my classmates. Our class president knew my name. Then there it started. After the sportsfest, one day, I was climbing down the stairs when we met and you said, “Hi, Aids! I’m calling you Aids because Adrienne is too long (or something). You are my crush number …..” I don’t remember what number I was. I laughed when you said that. HAHA. I will never forget you because you are the very reason our classmates are calling me Aids now. (Though it is sometimes offensive because all I can think of is the STD.)

We finally became classmates in second year. Again, I enjoyed your company. I remember those times when we paired up for a Bio activity and we were like the noisiest because we couldn’t stop laughing at the most random things. I also remember that little mishap on the stairs while going to the canteen. You’re one of the most fun people I’ve ever met. And even though you are very perverted (and basically you destroyed my innocence), I still like you (as a friend, of course).

Honestly, sometimes I resent you when you call people stupid (jokingly). Especially me, because I already feel bad about my grades (even if I don’t fail) and you are making it worse. But it’s okay because I couldn’t be angry at a person for more than two hours. I hope we’ll stay friends even after high school.

Hi very opinionated and sometimes scary classmate.

The very first time I knew about you was during the Stress Management Workshop. Someone said the name of your elementary school. I’ve never heard of it. But the way he said it, it seems like it was great school. The way you spoke intimidated me. I knew then you’re smart.

I didn’t really have much memories of my interactions with you during our freshman year. But in second year, we did. Again, as already stated, I like the company of yours and our “brothers”, and our “mama”. It was always fun when you guys were around especially that you and giant guy friend are the ones who talk a lot. I remember most specially the time when you, me and giant guy friend grouped for the Chemistry Comic-like project of the scientists. I revealed that I’m not good at coloring. You teased me all the time about how ugly I color. That’s true. Very true. I just really don’t have that talent. Then, you started teaching me the proper way of coloring. You made remarks that I improved….a little bit. HAHA. For that, I’m actually really thankful because I probably wouldn’t have learned the proper way.

To be honest, I quite resented you for some time on our Junior year. I didn’t like the words coming out from your mouth that it came to the point you seemed to be stepping on people’s egos. Plus, those days when you were quite very bossy during the filming/shooting of our movie project. I know. I’ve heard from them. Even I was slightly affected. But I could never resent you forever or be indifferent because it was just you. It’s part of how you grew up, probably how you were raised, or the environment you grew up in. I don’t know. Those are just my crazy theories.

However, I admire you. I admire that you’re smart. You can pick up our lessons easier than I can. I admire that you talk very well. Basically, I admire you in a sort of like how I admire celebrities. I know you’ll go along way with your wits and skills.

This last one goes to my current seatmate, the girl I thought was a bitch, and to the girl who calls me her sister.

I’ll start with my seatmate. I didn’t know who you were in our freshman year. I saw you a few times with Josh, Jill, and Tere. But I never really knew who you are. I only knew your name in second year. But we never talked. We actually never talked until third year. For some reason, you were doing this thing that annoyed me. In a funny way. Then, it was when we became acquaintances. Again, we never really had formal conversations or whatsoever. The time I knew we were friends was just this summer during the internship program. Recently (about a week ago), I got angry at you for some reasons you already know. I have to apologize, I guess, because I wasn’t able to tell you my side in person. I only told you through a chat in Facebook. It’s probably because I’m a coward. I can’t express my feelings well through saying it vocally. I truly believe my actions don’t speak louder than words. My words speak louder when I write them. So yeah, I’m sorry once again.

To the girl who I thought was a bitch, mean girl, whatever. I didn’t know who you were either. I already told you this that the first time I noticed you was during the practice for our performance for the Family Day. The practice was in your classroom. You were that one who was yelling out, “Whoo! Yeah! Mga rebel kami!”. And this was my thought, “Weird man ini nga tawo. Hin-o ba ini hiya?” I also already told you that I heard from someone, that you have a bad attitude. For some reason, I believed her words because I didn’t know you and she knew you. But I was wrong to believe her. In our sophomore year, I saw and heard about you and that boy. I felt quite sad for you. There was a part in my very depths of me that wanted to be your friend and comfort you. Because fact one about me, I hate seeing people get hurt emotionally. But I didn’t know you and the words that you have a bad attitude still lingered. I got to know more about that story with the boy but that’s just a small part of who you are so I guess I still don’t know you very much. I was quite surprise I found myself conversing with you the other day. We were talking about how I perceived you before and the story with you and that boy. That moment, I guess, I thought we are friends. And I want it to be that way. Friends.

Now, to the girl who calls me her sister. I only knew about you because of my classmate in Emerald who is a close friend of yours. But we never talked. We never did. In fact, we probably only became friends this senior year. Even while we were in VSU, I never felt we’re friends. I was perfectly fine with it to be honest. You know about how you lost my umbrella in VSU, and still today my mother resents you for loosing it. I don’t. I probably should but I can’t. I never understand why. At the beginning of our senior year, our relationship was very hostile. Well, at least I felt it that way. But that time when you were calling me sister and annoyed me for that matter, I thought you want to be friends with me but I’m not returning the same feeling.

Honestly, I have no idea what to say here. You’re probably included in this because you’re the people who call out “I love you” to me. I can’t dismiss the thought that I might have actually done more damage to the three of you than you have done damage to me. Okay, maybe damage is not the most appropriate term for that. I don’t know exactly how you feel about me as I already mentioned in the original “My Thoughts Exactly” post. I don’t know if you’re honest about those words. Really. So I keep pushing you away. But bear this in mind, I don’t hate you. I actually care. Another fact about me, if I like someone (like as in I want to be friends) I will tease you, joke around with you, give you my attention. Because as I have observed of myself,  if someone annoys me or I don’t like someone, I never tease them, joke around with them, or pay them any attention. In other words, I somehow just ignore them.

So, I guess I should apologize if ever I hurt you when I tease you because that is how I show that I like you. (And you could blame my sister for that because I just realized that I got that personality from her.) I’m sorry if you feel like I have hurt you. I really am.

In fact, I am sorry to every one of you in this post for the times I have hurt you, offended you. Just one last thing, can I borrow your names, personality, whatever I could get from you for my stories? Right, giant guy friend, I’m making you a character on the prologue of my story. Like seriously, I used your name and your appearance, your attributes, etc. Also to you too, the girl who calls me her sister, I am going to base the character of Raleigh on you. That is all!


6 thoughts on “My Thoughts Exactly. . . . . Again

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