Loud Music

A few hours ago, I was using my sister’s laptop to play Songpop on Facebook and to watch the latest episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Teen Wolf. A few minutes ago, I was playing the classic Plants vs. Zombies on my sister’s iPad mini. I got bored. Well, the appropriate term of what I felt is I got tired. But what am I tired of?

Few hours ago, I wrote about being an outsider and how I may be depressed about it. Now, there is this shallow gaping hole in my chest. My arms and legs are weak. My gut hurts. I made up my mind that I feel trap. I think I am depressed. Depressed about a lot of things. I’m depressed at how I feel like I’ve hit an all time low. I’ve hit the rock bottom. I’m trying to get up but it isn’t easy. I see nothing up there. Nothing that would make me want to get back up on my feet. No anchor for me to hold on.

I want to be okay. No, I want to feel great. Now, it just reminds me of a lyrics of one of Mayday Parade’s songs,

“I’ll be okay.” Is that what you want me to say?

I wish I could have the people I like talking to. I wish my friends Irene or Fatima were here. Irene would definitely have something inspiring to tell me. Fatima would have made me forget about these things with her weird antics.

The worst part of what I’m feeling now is that I don’t even understand or even know the root of all of this. I wish I did. As of the moment, loud music is my remedy to help me drown out these emotions.

Go to sleep, Adrienne. You’re just drunk. Drunk with sadness.

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