Not Enough Patience

I’ve been helping my father take care of my nephew for three weeks now. To be honest, it’s not going well.

I don’t have a lot of patience. When I get pissed, a lot of times I tend to be violent. If I am being physically hurt, I tend to get physically violent as well. So with my nephew hitting me and kicking me (my side is still hurting from his kick earlier this evening), sometimes I can’t help but morbidly think of physically hurting him. It’s wrong. I know that. This is the reason why sometimes I think my mind is so fucked up. I guess it appears a little shallow that a two-year old who appears to have liking for kicking people makes me angry. I keep telling myself to have the patience, to keep calm, and understand he’s just a child who can barely talk straight. But just a while ago I had almost hit my nephew’s head because he had been hitting my terrible knee. So I thought I better not come back to my sister’s house on Sunday in the fear I lose my patience and physically hurt my nephew.

I fear I don’t have enough patience.

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