Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by people, even just one or two? Do you know how it feels like their very presence is sucking the life out of you? Their voices, the way they scream or even just the way they speak to each other is enervating, even when they just stand there a few feet away from you. It feels like suffocating. Like their presence causes a lack of supply of oxygen. And when they start talking to you, it’s like their blocking the path of oxygen to your brain, and you just stop functioning. You can’t think straight and you’re still processing what they were saying. When they start noticing you, taking notes about you, it’s like you’re under sleep paralysis. You notice breathing is difficult and moving your skeletal muscles even more so. You try to fight back but you can’t. You need to wait and endure it. And it feels like drowning, trying to gasp for air, trying to push yourself up the surface. And when it’s taking so long, when you’ve been around them for so long, you feel like giving up, to surrender and let go and fade away into the background, into nothingness.
Do you know how it feels to be an introvert? To be the only one in the family and no one understanding how it is to be one? As of writing, I feel like dying.