Let me open this new year by sharing a poem I wrote on November 22nd (last year) which I just finished a couple of minutes ago.
Sometimes, I’d like to just sit down
With a clear head and a blank mind.
Other times, I prefer to lie in the ground
Where no ghosts I would find.
Yet most days, I sit with a cloud over my head,
Pondering and searching for reasons of many.
These days end up with wishing I’m dead
For in this small world, my head is far too heavy.
Life is a duty I don’t want to accept responsibility.
I’m too full of shit for its own good
I’m naive and stupid with little ability
Don’t forget I’m unkind with a swinging mood.
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep
Because late night thoughts come visit me
And they gift me with ideas far too deep,
All that and nothing else I see.
If that’s not enough for people to be scared,
I’d like to tell them then
“I’ve got demons in my head
And monsters under my bed.”
But don’t fret, I’m not like Eminem.
I’m not friends with the monsters,
It’s a little different for Adrienne,
Who thinks they’re sick little bastards.
They often tell me, we are we,
That our minds and souls are one.
When in bed they lie next to me,
Telling me the battle has been won.
When life gets too tough,
They’re all I have for comfort.
I don’t think they bluff
When they appreciate all my efforts
Of finding peace and serenity,
Of escaping their clutches.
But to me they have sworn fealty,
On my castle’s drawbridge they are but henchmen.
When I’m lost and awkward,
When my friends all seem dead,
I’m a fading coward,
That’s what they all said.
So on the days, they come knocking on my door.
They find my eyes are like waterfalls.
As I look for a life worth fighting for,
I build tall and strong walls.
I accompany myself and myself alone.
In this misery, I’m in desolation,
Dreaming of a phantom companion,
Hoping this drama will come to a conclusion.