I thought whenever I close my eyes at night to walk in the realm of dreams, I’d be at peace. Of course, like any other human being in this planet, I get bad dreams too where I’m being chased by some ghost (or even dogs!). But this time, it was different from normal because even in my dreams, my demons come to haunt me.
In my dream, I ran away from home because home wasn’t home anymore. I didn’t even really know what happened. I just knew I didn’t belong there anymore. I remember my sisters turning into my demons. I remember my mother watching me walk out of the house. She saw me walking away from her and from everyone else. Yet, she didn’t stop me. She didn’t even ask where I was going like she didn’t even care. So I walked and I could feel myself dragging my feet, not sure whether I was physically weak or the load I was carrying on my shoulders was too heavy. But I went to a river with a strong current and I was ready. I was ready to jump. I was ready for the river to take me wherever it was heading. But it didn’t happen. Instead, I saw the sunset and I rode a boat. At the end of the boat ride, I saw a friend. I didn’t tell her what was troubling me because I didn’t even have the strength to tell her that I was going to die. I greeted her with a small banter to hide myself. She knew, nevertheless. And she told me it’s okay, that I’m going to be fine. Then, I woke up.
Even in my dreams, these demons tell me I’m irrelevant, that I am nothing. That I am void. They can’t seem to leave me alone even just in my dreams.