Yesterday, I saw my friend post a suicide awareness message and obviously, as a person who’s quite suicidal – okay, very suicidal – I copied and re-posted it.
As of writing, there have been fourteen people who reacted to this. Except for one – who I got this post originally from – I checked if any of the other thirteen people who reacted actually did the instruction at the end of the post. Included in that 13 are three of my sisters (am assuming the other two hasn’t seen it yet). Every time I got a notification of someone reacting to it, I clicked on their profile to see if they did copy and re-post it. None of them did.
Not even the one’s who “loved” it. This leads me to assume they didn’t really read the whole thing or that they just didn’t want to copy and re-post. Honestly, I’m okay with “friends” (classmates really) not sharing. But what hurt me was none of the sisters who liked the post shared it. They especially know what happened to me, failing my suicide attempt and even getting hospitalized. I get they might probably be busy. I mean they have jobs but it didn’t take me a minute to re-post. The message is just so simple but powerful for me. “Copy and paste this as your status to show people there are people out there that care” “We are trying to demonstrate that someone’s always listening.” Just listen. But none of those thirteen people cared enough to show that they do care. Perhaps, they are aware. But they don’t care enough.
This may look like I’m petty. Why am I so affected that none of them re-posted it? It’s because I want to help spread suicide awareness. I have close friends who I just recently found out are also suffering from depression and I’ve been reaching out to them because like me, they don’t exactly have the family support we need. I want them to know that while I may not be able to give them any advice, as I am also searching for answers and for “salvation”, I’ll be there for them, to listen. I want to help spread the awareness because I almost did it, I almost died. While I lied in that hospital bed, I saw my best friend cry, I saw my mom cry, I learned a college professor can actually care about their student’s well-being. It was then that it only became clear to me that there are people, even if only a few, who would actually be hurt if I had ended my life at 20. Although I still can’t keep a promise not to attempt suicide again, I do promise to try my best not to.
I may not have any wisdom to offer but I sure am willing to listen to anyone who’s going through a difficult time. I am aware and I care.