I’ve been crying nonstop for the past couple of minutes because of my cat’s death.
See Banban is more than just some cat I found on our balcony. I’ve had Banban since fifth grade, and now I’m graduating from college. It feels somehow poetic that she dies when I’m about to graduate and about to leave for Cebu and start anew with life. My sister just told me that Banban bid farewell to me because she knows I’m leaving her. I’m sorry, Banban. For the past few weeks, I’ve observed she’s become weak and silent. I told myself I have to brace myself for when the moment comes. She’s old and I understand her time is running out. But no matter how much I said that I’ll be ready, I wasn’t truly ready. I came home from school again, just like I did ten years ago, to find Banban. But this time, I saw her in pain. I sat next to her, pet her and said, “It’s okay. You can let go.” But it’s me who’s not okay. I can’t yet let go. Perhaps, I was actually trying to tell myself instead of my cat. She was the last thing that I had of my childhood, and now she’s gone. It also feels like my childhood has officially ended. And it’s just not that. I love that cat, goddammit! Even though she was meanie to me a lot of times, especially when she was younger, I love her and I adore her, and I will miss her dearly.